I reached for the life jacket.
Trey lifted it slightly, as though he was showing me something funny.
"Where is she?"
He looked at me.
"Who?"
I couldn't believe he was doing this.
"Cassie. Where's my daughter?"
He glanced toward the water.
"She fell off."
The words came out casually.
As if he were talking about dropping a sandwich.
I grabbed the front of his shirt.
"Where?"
My father immediately stepped between us.
"Jill, stop."
I pushed past him.
"Where did she fall?"
Trey shrugged.
"Out there somewhere."
My hands were trembling so badly that I could barely point.
"You left her?"
He frowned.
"She went over. I didn't see it right away."
I stared at him.
"You knew she fell."
He didn't answer.
I looked at the life jacket in his hand.
"Why are you holding this?"
"She didn't want it on."
"She was supposed to wear it!"
Trey rolled his eyes.
"She's fine."
I looked at the lake again.
There was no sign of Cassie.
Nothing.
My mother came closer.
"Jill, you're frightening everyone."
I turned toward her.
"She's in the water!"
My mother glanced at Trey.
"He's going to explain."
I looked at my brother.
"Tell me exactly where she fell."
He pointed vaguely toward the open water.
"Out there."
"How far?"
"Three hundred yards, maybe."
Three hundred yards.
I repeated the distance silently.
It seemed impossible that someone could be that far away from shore and still be treated like a minor inconvenience.
I looked toward the spot he had indicated.
The surface was moving gently.
There were waves from other boats.
I couldn't see a child anywhere.
I started running.
My father caught my arm.
"Don't."
I turned so quickly that my shoulder hurt.
"Get your hand off me."
"Listen to me."
"No. You listen."
I pulled free.
My mother was still standing near the table.
She had put down her drink now.
But she wasn't moving toward the water.
Nobody was.
I was the only one looking for Cassie.
I ran to the edge of the dock.
The water looked darker than it had a few minutes earlier.
I couldn't see through it.
I looked left.
Then right.
I shouted her name.
"Cassie!"
No answer.
I shouted again.
"Cassie, baby!"
Nothing.
I could hear music coming from the patio.
Someone had left a radio playing.
The ordinary sounds of the party made everything feel even more unreal.
There were plates on the table.
A half-empty bottle beside my mother's chair.
My father's barbecue tools lying near the grill.
And my daughter was somewhere beneath the surface.
I turned toward Trey.
"How long ago did she fall?"
He rubbed his forehead.
"I don't know."
"How long?"
"Maybe a minute."
I knew that wasn't enough.
I had watched him travel away from the spot where she fell.
I had watched him make his turn.
I had watched him come back.
More time had passed than he wanted to admit.
I couldn't waste another second arguing.
I looked around for something I could use.
A rope.
A flotation ring.
Anything.
There was nothing close enough.
I looked back at the water.
Then I heard my father speaking behind me.
"Jill, don't do anything stupid."
I turned.
"Call for help!"
He shook his head.
"Let's think first."
There are moments when you realize someone is not going to become the person you need them to be.
That was the moment I understood it about my father.
He was not thinking about Cassie.
He was thinking about Trey.
"She could drown," I said.
My father stepped closer.
"Don't exaggerate."
I looked at him.
I had no words left for that.
I moved toward the ladder.
My mother finally spoke.
"Jill, wait."
I didn't wait.
I went down into the water.
It was colder than I expected.
The shock ran through my body.
I pushed away from the dock and started searching.
I looked beneath the surface.
Nothing.
I came up for air.
"Cassie!"
The sound of my own voice frightened me.
I took another breath and went under again.
The water was murky.
I could barely see my hands.
I moved through it, searching in front of me.
Nothing.
I surfaced and looked around.
The dock seemed farther away than it had before.
I was beginning to understand how quickly a person could lose their sense of direction in open water.
I kept looking.
I kept calling.
And behind me, I heard someone shouting.
I couldn't make out the words.
I turned toward the sound.
My father was still near the dock.
He was gesturing for me to come back.
I ignored him.
I had taught Cassie what to do if she ever fell into deep water.
Find something that floats.
Hold on.
Wait for Mommy.
I kept looking for something orange.
Something pink.
Anything.
But the lake gave me nothing.
Click here to continue reading: PART 3: I Searched the Dark Water While the People Who Were Supposed to Help Me Kept Protecting My Brother
My Brother Returned Without My Daughter, Carrying Something That Made Everyone at the Dock Go Quiet
Part 2 of 10
